Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Patting Elsa

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Yes, as the title says there, I did pat Elsa.
For you guys who have known me for such a long long time ago, I'm pretty sure that you all know how I hated cats. Uh, to be honest, yeah, I was afraid of cats.

This was all began when I was about 4-5 years old, I can't even remember. I got this one stray cat, named him Milky-Man, then one day he died. He was crashed tragically by a taxi in the middle of the night. Since then, I didn't know why, but I always had a bad feeling about cat. Seemed like the ghost of Milky-Man was haunting me in every single cat that I saw. A bit exaggerating, you may think, but seriously, it is true. I once cried on Acel's shoulder because there was a cat stepping on my shoes and staring at me at school. Nah, it didn't do anything to me. I was being too paranoid. Freak.

When I moved to Auckland, I lived in this homestay. They got two cats, twinnies :) Names Restus and Elsa. If you noticed, I once mentioned the late Restus. He's the boy. I was not afraid of him, but I did not make any contact with him either. He annoyed me sometimes, like by coming to my room and jumping on my bed. Huh. But still, home felt so empty without him, because usually Elsa and Restus fought for food or some other things. Now that Restus had gone, Elsa is all alone by herself. Feeling empty and lonely, that is.

And still, one year and about three months, no contact with those cats. Maybe I did touch them. Just a bit. Probably. Not even sure.

Well, today is an exception. I have overcome my problem with cats. I don't know why, I don't know what I was thinking, I just called Elsa when we were still gathering around the table. And yes, I patted her. I was a bit nervous tho, I was afraid, scared and even my hand was drenched of sweat. Nevertheless, I did it. I patted her and she seemed to like it. I patted her under her chin and felt her soft and fluffy fur. I never knew she got such a nice fur there :) And it felt so great afterwards. Extremely great. I felt like being a winner of a battle inside myself. A battle between my pride and anxiety. Courage and cowardliness.

Dalam proses mendalami keberanian diri

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