Break , Broke , Broken

It was a rainy and gloomy day, and by rainy, I mean like super wet. If I'm not mistaken, it was raining since the night before. Non-stop. The weather was truly acting like a bi*ch, the wind was like blowing every student's skirt and the rain made us all drenched. This accident happened during Maths lesson, which was the 4th period.

When I got into the class, the desks were all everywhere, messy. I threw off my umbrella to the floor and started to placed those desks back to their appropriate places. Everything was fine, until I realised that I accidentally put one of the desk at the top of my umbrella. But still, I had not realised how much damage I had done to him (yes, I refer to my umbrella as him). I was having a mock test for Statistics tho, so I didn't really pay attention to anything else.

After finishing the mock, I went out of the class and yet, it was still raining. I tried to open my umbrella, but he couldn't be opened. My umbrella was really cool, actually, we just needed to press this one button, and he could open and close himself straight away. But that day, I pressed the button many many times and still, he didn't work. He could be opened, but he would close himself straight away. I was so... hopeless, then I met this one friend of mine. She discovered that the handle was somehow bent and I realised, that might be because of the pressure of the desk, since the desk itself was quite heavy. Then she did something that caused the problem got bigger and more complicated.

She twisted my umbrella.

At that time, I still had not realised that it could become that complicated. Then I asked my friend to fix it and so on. But everything we did was completely, totally, useless. Nothing happened, then I began to think about something beyond human stupidity. I was thinking of twisting it back.

Then there I went, twisting my umbrella.

Foolish, you may call me.

Then he became totally broken.

Break. Broke. Broken.

R.I.P My Dearest Disney Umbrella, Dmitry

July 2006 - May 21^st , 2010

Patting Elsa

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Yes, as the title says there, I did pat Elsa.
For you guys who have known me for such a long long time ago, I'm pretty sure that you all know how I hated cats. Uh, to be honest, yeah, I was afraid of cats.

This was all began when I was about 4-5 years old, I can't even remember. I got this one stray cat, named him Milky-Man, then one day he died. He was crashed tragically by a taxi in the middle of the night. Since then, I didn't know why, but I always had a bad feeling about cat. Seemed like the ghost of Milky-Man was haunting me in every single cat that I saw. A bit exaggerating, you may think, but seriously, it is true. I once cried on Acel's shoulder because there was a cat stepping on my shoes and staring at me at school. Nah, it didn't do anything to me. I was being too paranoid. Freak.

When I moved to Auckland, I lived in this homestay. They got two cats, twinnies :) Names Restus and Elsa. If you noticed, I once mentioned the late Restus. He's the boy. I was not afraid of him, but I did not make any contact with him either. He annoyed me sometimes, like by coming to my room and jumping on my bed. Huh. But still, home felt so empty without him, because usually Elsa and Restus fought for food or some other things. Now that Restus had gone, Elsa is all alone by herself. Feeling empty and lonely, that is.

And still, one year and about three months, no contact with those cats. Maybe I did touch them. Just a bit. Probably. Not even sure.

Well, today is an exception. I have overcome my problem with cats. I don't know why, I don't know what I was thinking, I just called Elsa when we were still gathering around the table. And yes, I patted her. I was a bit nervous tho, I was afraid, scared and even my hand was drenched of sweat. Nevertheless, I did it. I patted her and she seemed to like it. I patted her under her chin and felt her soft and fluffy fur. I never knew she got such a nice fur there :) And it felt so great afterwards. Extremely great. I felt like being a winner of a battle inside myself. A battle between my pride and anxiety. Courage and cowardliness.


Dalam proses mendalami keberanian diri

Courage and Pride

A real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. - Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mocking Bird

I learnt this quote from the Harper Lee's novel, To Kill A Mockingbird, and to be honest, at first I disagreed. I mean, I didn't understand why you kept on fighting when you knew you were losing. I thought it was useless. And such a thing could not be called a real courage, it was something you called imprudence.

Then today, I realised that I was the one who was being foolish.

If you stop fighting, at the very end you will just blame yourself. Blaming those who win upon you, blaming God for not letting you win, blaming yourself for being a fool. You will regret all things that happened. But if you fight until your last breath, even though you lose, you don't have anything to regret. You will be proud of yourself for being able to give your best. The greatest winning may not be the thing that you want at the beginning, but it may be something within yourself. Part of yourself that is able to hold your head upright. Part of yourself that is always called pride.

Yes, human is a very selfish creature. Even at the end, all things that we fight for will bring us back to ourselves. Humans fight for their prides.

I wrote this not because of I had nothing to do, no, this post would be my mark, my promise to the world, that what I feel for him is real and thus, I will fight for him til the end. I will fight until my last breath, even though I know she likes him as well and he probably likes her in return. Yes, despite the fact that my chance is really low. Be ready, Mr 17, xoxo

Gue Cewek

Gue cewek bukan karena gue ga pipis berdiri, tapi karena gue lebih punya hati.

guys, no offense, you suck.

Essay : To Kill A Mockingbird

Analyse how a main character was developed and how this development helped you understand a main theme or issue.

In the novel To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee showed how the main character, Jeremy Finch, or normally known as Jem, was developed through his relationship with other characters, for example, his relationship with Tom Robinson, the townsfolk of Maycomb and Arthur “Boo” Radley. Through Jem's developments, Harper Lee highlighted the issue of prejudice that was endemic in Maycomb County, Alabama, during 1930s and thus helped the reader understands why Tom Robinson was finally accused for rape even though he was innocent.

Through Jem's relationship with Tom Robinson, Harper Lee emphasised the racial prejudice that was happening around Maycomb. The prejudice to the black people was due to the slavery that happened during the 16th to 19th century. Tom Robinson was accused for raping Mayella Ewell, the daughter of Bob Ewell, but later, Atticus proved that he was not guilty because Mayella was beaten on her right side, which was most likely be done by someone who was left-handed, such as Bob Ewell himself, whereas Tom Robinson's left arm was fully twelve inches shorter than his right. Tom Robinson's trial caused Jem to become more mature, as he still couldn't stop questioning why Tom Robinson was still accused, despite the fact that he was innocent. Jem was devastated by the unjust verdict and it took him a long time to understand the imperfections of people. Once, Atticus said, “In our courts, when it's a white man's word against a black man's, the white man always wins. They're ugly but those are facts of life.” This showed the reader the fact that in Maycomb County, all people had been brought up to believe that negroes are less than human, and therefore they could do anything to them, even if it was unfair.

The Tom Robinson's trial might be influenced on the Scottsboro trial, where nine black men were accused of raping two white women on a train bound for Memphis. After they were arrested, a lynch mob gathered around the jail, prepared to kill the youths. Samuel Leibowitz, a New York attorney who was pointed for this trial, once stated that based on the fact that the juries were all white, the boys could never have a fair trial. Later, one of the accusers, Ruby Bates, returned to testify in court and stated that she and Price had lied about being raped because they were afraid that they might be charged with some offense since they were homeless themselves and found on a train with other homeless men. By seeing through Jem's relationship with Tom Robinson and his trial, Harper Lee had shown the reader, the reflection of the reality that was happening in Alabama during 1930s. The reader became aware of the racial prejudice and hatred that was found in the community in Southern states of America, as this was shown from Jem's response to this issue, as a child that was growing up.

The prejudice and abomination that existed between the whites and negroes indicated that violence could break out at any time. Jem's relationship with the townfolks of Maycomb led to an idea that the issue of prejudice in Maycomb was not only a simple racial prejudice, but also the intolerant, narrow and stiff codes of behaviour that the townspeople of Maycomb wished to impose on each other. This prejudice was made all the more threatening by being portrayed as 'normal' behaviour by many characters in the book. Dolphus Raymond was considered as an outcast in the town because he was a wealthy white man who chose to live with the Negroes. Jem was shocked when he found out that Mr Raymond pretended to be an alcoholic when he actually drank Coca Cola out of the sack. “... You see they could never, never understand that I live like I do because that's the way I want to live,” said Mr Raymond. Thus, he has all kinds of false rumors spread by Maycomb surrounding his decision, but this was all made so that life became easier for him and for Maycomb folks to understand his choice. the Through Jem's relationship with Dolphus Raymond, Harper Lee presented the idea of sometimes you needed to pretend to be someone that you were not.

The issue of marginal prejudice in Maycomb County was shown through Jem's relationship with Arthur Radley, also known as Boo, one of many outcasts in Maycomb. Prejudice against Boo Radley started when Boo fell into bad crowd as a teenager and instead of being sent to industrial school, he was locked inside the court-house, which created numbers of speculations and judgments from people who lived in Maycomb, including Jem. At Jem's childhood, he sometimes amused himself by attempting to lure Boo out of the house, as Boo was the central of Jem's imagination. There were a lot of rumours about Boo, even though actually only a few people had seen him in person. Once, Jem said, “... dined on raw squirrels and any cats he could catch, that's why his hands were blood-stoned; if you ate an animal raw, you could never wash the blood off.”

As the story unfolded, Jem showed that he was growing up. This was shown by his effort to keep on communicating with Boo through a hole where Boo left some 'gifts', like carved soap and an old and broken watch. Jem eventually realised that Boo was a gentle man, despite of what other people in their neighbourhood said about him. Along with Tom Robinson's trial, Jem's awareness of the feelings of others increases and he finally understands that Boo Radley stayed indoor because he wanted to, not because of all the criminal reasons Jem had imagined earlier. As Atticus said, “You never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them. Just standing in Radley porch was enough.” Through Jem, Harper Lee showed how Boo was being marginalised, discriminated and judged by the rumours that were not necessarily true. And through Jem as well, Harper Lee highlighted the most important moral lesson that should be applied in every aspects of life, which was to respect others and to never judge people unless you really knew them.

Harper Lee in her novel, To Kill A Mockingbird had succeed in developing the main character, Jeremy Finch, also known as Jem, using his relationship with the townfolks of Maycomb, Tom Robinson and Boo Radley in order to underline the issue of prejudice. Through Jem's experience, Harper Lee revealed the aspects of human nature, despite that the setting was during 1930s, the issue of prejudice would always happen in reality, but there would always be some people who would stand up for justice, such as Jem himself.


Elizabeth Rusli

2010

Well, I know, I know. It's like the fourth month of 2010 already, but yet, I haven't said anything about this new year, eh?

As once said, being late is better than never.

2010.

It means a lot to me. Sometimes it reminds me that, hey, you're in year 12 already. Be a lil bit mature, please. Ah, sometimes it reminds me that, c'mon, don't tell me that you believe in that 2012 thingy... And it surely does remind me that I've stayed in Auckland for more than one year. Time goes so damn fast, doesn't it?

And yes, it is April, which means I'll be sixteen soon. To be honest, I'm not even excited about my birthday. My birthday seems like nothing if I compare it to my whole life. Nothing awesome has never really happened in my birthday, but in contradiction, days that I didn't expect to be good, turned out to be lovely and memorable. Based on my experience, it's better when you don't expect anything in your birthday, because you'll be disappointed if things don't turn out as you want them to.

Auckland today?

Pretty cold. Ah, I have day off tomorrow. It's teacher's only day :) And tonight is ball!!!

OMG I can't believe that next year will be my turn. It's gonna be my first and last ball ever, I suppose. Chisato's -my homestay mate- is going to the ball tonight, since she's year 13. And she got this cute cute cute simple dress. Should post it later... It's pink and black, with a little ruffle on the front. Looks so cute :)

PS : I don't know why but I really miss Indonesia lately. Before going to sleep, I always imagine what I'm gonna do there. Trust me, imagining works !!!! And I've decided to do more blogging this year. Hopefully ^^;;

Growing Up

Since this morning, I've been visiting about 30 profiles of my primary friends in Facebook. Wow maaan! I've just realised how much they've grown up through these years. You know, they all have changed, from those geeky and nerdy kids to those fashionable and adorable people. I don't really interact with them anymore, but yea, I do miss them tho :)

My mind started to fly far far away, to a kingdom I used to go in my dream whenever I tried to be alone. Yea, I safely arrived there and the kingdom was just as hectic as usual. I went up to the mountain and voila, I found a perfect spot for me to split into two. 

My other personality and I.

I asked her if I have grown much but she just kept silent.

I asked her if I'm still a kid but she just smiled.

I kept on asking her so many questions about why I couldn't be like my friends, why they seemed so happy, why they seemed like the one I wanted to be.

Yea, I knew the answer and those questions were actually useless. I was brought to reality back and found myself still here, in my room, in front of my mac.

Things changed and will never be the same.

Time was just ticking away, didn't care even though I asked him to stop for a while.

I used to be such a strong girl, then I grew up, forgetting that I was strong. I grew up being such a fragile girl that thought she could do everything but things just didn't let her to. I grew up, forcing myself to be as strong as metal. Yeah, it worked, at the outside. I grew up by blaming people around me. I grew up and being such an arrogant girl, thought that I could do everything better than anyone else.

And I realised , I turned myself down.

I am the one who can change myself.

Not the time nor people around me.

I am the one who can make myself moved on.

Not the time nor people around me.

I am the one who understands what growing up means for myself.

Not the time or people around me.

Happy Birthday, X. Have a great one !